England Day Five: Yes, Which Way?

What do you wear to the ruins of a medieval monastery in the morning, followed by a day of adventure at a place called “Forbidden Corner” you were told not to look up much about ahead of time? If you’re me, apparently the answer is, a velvet corset and antlers. 

We got ready in the morning on Saturday, piled into the car, and made our way to Jervaulx Abbey. This time, Gilly’s son was with us. I got to meet him last August on my Dartmoor group trip, and gosh he’s just the sweetest most courteous teen boy since…well Bryonie’s son, who also met him on that last trip and they got along like pb&j. 

We parked in a nicely shaded parking lot and crossed the country road to a sheep pasture. We walked down a little dirt path to the abbey, which was further fenced in against the surrounding sheep. (I did appreciate the lack of fragrant piles as I was meandering about, gawping at the beautiful overgrown, wild, lush ruins.) 

And what ruins! If gadding about admiring piles of worn rock strewn with wild plants and moss sounds like your idea of a good time, you would have been in heaven. Each little section of half wall “corridors” felt like its own little secret garden. And wonderfully enough, there were very few other people there. Even having to take pictures in the harsh light of a full sunshine morning with no cloud cover couldn’t disguise how beautiful the place is.

After taking lots of individual pictures and a group picture to rival any by the Mediaeval Baebes (respectful hat tip to the Baebes, see the top of the blog for this epic shot), we realized we were running a bit late for our scheduled arrival time to Forbidden Corner, whatever that place might be.  

Fellow goblin Lee-Ann was meeting us for this day’s adventures, so after driving through the beautifully manicured rolling lawns of a fancy estate, we parked near her car in the parking lot, gave hugs all around, and had a few car nibbles. Those who realized I knew nothing about the place were cackling with glee. 

We popped into the restrooms, which also left me wondering what the day would hold. Each stall had a gothic peak door, gothic peak window, and doodles inspired by Pre-Raphaelite art on the walls. The sinks almost looked like baptismal fonts. 

This was above the toilet in the bathroom stall??

And this was the stall door

And this was the doorknob to the bathroom

An employee at the entrance took our ticket information and gave us wrist bands, and we were off. To begin with, there was only one path and one way to go, through an open door guarded by two loyal stone hounds.

Beyond, there was a castle to enter…with blinking eyes and fangs as well as a gullet waiting beyond the opening. I was first to go through of course, and heard the loud burp echo through the chamber. We all traveled through and out the other side, where more gaseous noises emanated.

And then the choices began. Path left or right? Open the door or turn around? We went through an area of low hedges that required us to pretend we had Labyrinth goblin “nipper sticks” we used to attack each other. And not to give you a big spoiler, but that was the vibe of the entire place and entire day. It felt, in vibe and sometimes in actual fact, like you were in the film Labyrinth the entire time. Choices were whimsical and sometimes you regretted them, and the quality of design and creativity of the place was truly top notch. No degrading roadside tourist attraction is this!

Also I learned quickly to pay attention to wet spots on the ground. Sometimes the garden spits back!

The first place we sat and rested for a while was the walled frog garden, a beautiful formal garden area with frog-themed statuary and a frog fountain at center. Every half hour, the fountain comes to life with music (sadly on a very low volume) and movement. And apparently water. We all had a great giggle as the various little hidden spigots in various mouths sprayed us, even as we backed further away from the fountain toward the outer walls.

We came to a tall formal hedge maze, and spent some time trying to find the way, looping back and finding pretty statues and surprises.

When we finally found the end, it was an overlook with a stunning view of the Yorkshire Dales. Walt Disney could never!!

Turning a corner, we found what might perhaps be my favorite of the day, though there are many contenders. The woodsman’s legs are each made from an uncut trunk of a tree, and his axe extends forward, large enough to swing on.

He guards the entrance to the mausoleum, a dungeon area to explore. I was honestly quite surprised that the way was truly and legitimately pitch black dark. Ghosts and moving coffins await, and the path ends in a cellar filled with various liquor bottles that can apparently be rented out for events.

Next we made our way, down paths and past more beautiful and odd statues and features, to a tower to climb. The view from the top was beautiful…

And we also each took turns pretending to be the monarch of the place.

We wandered more gardens set on various terraced levels, and past a tall interpretation of a glass mountain (from fairy tale lore.) Make note of the tower.

A sunken walled garden with a path of stepping stones through low water was next, and of course the whole time I was tensely bracing myself for what water spraying surprise would be next. I wasn’t wrong…the stone-walled channel of the walkway turned and twisted and led to a Romanesque folly with two Roman guard statues stationed outside. As you pass by the last little area, a wall of water sprays up from your feet. Be careful, time it right, or you might get very wet. As, in fact, Gilly’s son wound up doing the second time around, much to the amicable laughter of all of us.

Because once you choose the right path inside the folly, you end up going through a doorway twisting with dragon-like serpents into a ritualistic chamber, with a devil statue atop a plinth at the center of a water feature. Around you on all of the walls are doors. You have to choose which one you want to take.

I’m still not sure we wound up choosing every door possible. Some you open up to fake walls, some painted with vignettes of other paths. The one we chose takes you to a second tiny room, almost too small for everyone in our goblin group. Apparently this room originally would spin around once you entered, so you didn’t know which door you used to go in. But there are doors on every side of you, and when you look up you discover…you’re under the glass mountain.

Choose the right door and you will find your way out of the folly, through a monster’s mouth with a red tinted glass door.

But there are more paths and ways to go. We went back through more than once (thus Gilly’s son getting wet!) and also got to see a song presented by mice who were then attacked by a giant cat jump scare.

At this point, we needed a bit of a rest again, and some nibbles. The largest refreshments stand in the park is right outside the folly, where the monster with the red door spits you out. I got some ice cream, and a very satisfyingly large hot dog with all the trimmings.

Slowly we started meandering back out of the park. The gift shop was a bit of a temptation, and I wound up getting a little keychain plush of the burping castle at the start of the place, a pen shaped like an arrow, and a pencil case with the Woodsman, the Green Man, and the burping castle all on it. Sadly, as is too often the case, I liked the kids merch more than the adult, including the t-shirt options.

It was time to say our goodbyes and head back to Gilly’s, and then Bryony and Naomi and I made our way back home from there after some tea and more hugs. We dropped off Naomi at her home, and then found our way back to Bryony’s house, where I took a satisfyingly hot bath with a mug of tea next to me and the rain softly falling outside.

Ahh, as it would turn out, the rain had finally found me in England. But that wouldn’t stop our Beltane plans the next day!